9 Smart Tips for Women Who Desire Sweet Revenge during a Dismal Divorce

It came as a huge shock.

The ice-cold hand of fear gripped hold of your heart.

You should have seen it coming. What did you do to deserve the rejection and humiliation of a divorce?

How could he, the two-timer? That other woman has the morals of a moray eel!

What will become of you and the children?

Don’t despair or beat yourself up. Don’t let the sadness of the past and the fear of the future ruin today.

You have courageously started your new journey and there is always a way out.

Take heart and consider these valuable tips:

1. Wallow in weakness and weep, babe

You feel weak, powerless and heartbroken. You feel an agonising pain constricting your chest as you obsess about the backstabbing betrayal.

You are moving through the stages of grief, grieving the loss of your marriage. Feel and acknowledge the roller coaster of emotions like indignation, anger, fear, sadness, guilt, or maybe relief.

Let the tears flow and cry your heart out — it’s good for you. Try to be selective with your support system initially and keep it to the inner circle, be it mother, sister or best friend.

2. Untie the last strand of the marriage knot

Hard as it may be, accept that the relationship is over. You don’t want to maintain unhealthy ties, so cut the asshole loose (also in your thoughts).

See your marriage as a learning curve, an experience that has served its purpose. The good memories will remind you that it wasn’t all in vain.

Don’t be clingy. Give the gift of absence to the people who can’t appreciate your presence, as Oprah said. Healing and letting go, however, require time and patience.

3. Be utterly selfish and invest in yourself

Get yourself the best therapist you can afford for regular support and advice. Consider a therapist outside of your community. If that’s not possible, utilise the available structures within your community.

This way you facilitate the moving forward process and obtain validation from a person who has your best interests at heart. Now is the time to think of your own holistic well-being.

Focus on yourself and conscientiously implement the advice of your therapist. Attend to your physical appearance and get regular exercise. Some discipline now will yield splendid spin-offs in time.

4. Pluck the fruit of sweet revenge

Be kind to yourself and build on your little victories. You shouldn’t aim to win the war, but rather aim for indifference towards the guy.

Wield your powerful weapon of forgiveness for yourself and others. Your ultimate revenge is when you grow strong and fabulously happy on your own; when you find new meaning in life.

Do little things on your own — a walk in the park, lunch in a café. Nurture your children, clean things in the home and become totally in the moment. You will win if you look back and use the insight for self-discovery and future relationship success.

5. Practise the fine art of socialising

Pick up relationships with true friends who support you. Some friends or family members will take sides or blame you, but being prepared will help to soften the blow.

Insecure married women may regard you, a smart, single woman as a threat and avoid having you over or avoid you entirely. You can do without them.

Network and remain active in groups but make adjustments according to your needs; some women prefer family to singles groups and vice versa. You’ll be able to make valuable contributions and your mess could become your message.

6. Hold onto your heart

You could retaliate by indulging in a relationship yourself. After all, you’re an attractive, healthy woman, who’s received a low and undeserved blow.

It feels wonderful and flattering when a man shows romantic interest but beware the sweet distraction for an hour or two.

You’re in the thick of the divorce process and it’s wise to first work through the breakdown, gain insight and become a resilient individual in your own right. A woman who is genuinely self-confident and happy with a slight aura of mystique is most alluring.

7. Make him pay for his betrayal?

You may want to go all out and ruin him financially. Your attorney will make sure you get what’s rightfully yours in terms of alimony, child maintenance and assets based on your matrimonial property system.

You should have a good idea of what the assets in your marriage entail. What was the monthly income and expenditure? It’s a matter of doing the math but of course, each marriage is unique.

The point is that you have a good idea of the size of the marital cake, be it big or small. You don’t want to spend the cake on unnecessary litigation only to find that there are only crumbs left for the future when you eventually settle the divorce.

8. Consider the best interest of your children

You hold onto your children and you abhor it when they stay over. It has been proven that the better the spouses handle the divorce, the less negative it impacts the children.

Legal guidelines prescribe what is regarded as the best interest of children. Unless a parent is abusive towards the kids, they are entitled to a full and meaningful relationship with both their parents.

Once again, be selfish and spend that time constructively on yourself, take a vacation or relax in a big way. You’ll have renewed energy to spend on your children when they return, without interrogating them.

9. Parents are forever and it’s unlikely that he will disappear

Bear in mind that children are easily swayed or influenced. You cannot control your ex-spouse’s behaviour, but you can arm yourself with knowledge.

Learn from your expert advisers to communicate wisely and be flexible when it comes to visits and changeover arrangements for the children. Hitches are inevitable.

Parents are well-advised to take into account that the courts favour a conciliatory and expeditious approach to problem-solving where children are concerned.

Transcend the heartbreak and turn tragedy into triumph

Yes, it’s awfully painful and difficult, but remind yourself that this too will pass.

In adversity lies opportunity. The small steps turn into big steps and you’ll feel yourself becoming stronger and stronger, even if you have some bad days.

Imagine yourself turning things around and gaining your rightful revenge of happiness, meaning and fulfilment in your life.

See yourself as that confident, creative, lovely and valuable person who you are. See your contented and well-adjusted children playing in a field of flowers.

Take back your life.

You have the power to do so!

Special Note: This blog does not cover situations of domestic violence where special considerations apply. This content is for informational and educational purposes only and was not created by a licensed professional. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, an abusive situation or danger, please get help from a therapist, social worker, legal professional, law enforcement officer or women’s shelter.

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